Saturday, October 4, 2008

Why Why Why

I guess I have had a bunch of pent of blogging issues that I just didn't know needed to come out. I had a long conversation with my forever friend Paula. We have known each other since kindergarten and now are both faced with special needs kiddos and all of the adventure that comes with raising them. Our kids have very different issues, Kailie is hearing impaired (it was caused by a virus that I can never remember the letters for the acronym) and Riley has Down syndrome. I have always felt this special connection with Paula and I and our kids. I went to visit Paula in the hospital when she had Kailie and she took me into the NICU to see the baby. That day neither of us new how our life was going to change. Later that same day the genetics clinic called to tell me that they had the results of the amnio and that Riley has Down syndrome. In one day two families changed for a life time. It seems that Paula and I cycle with with our ups and downs in similar cycles. We sometimes go months with out talking and then out of the blue we will call and the other is in a mood as well. So, after talking with Paula tonight about her little girl and all of the appointments and specialists and the rest of the fun it just brings me back to the question that haunts me. WHY Why God do any of our children have to go through this. When I finally feel like I have come to peace with it all something I read or hear about another child struggling just makes me crazy all over again. It doesn't even have to be incredibly serious but it just pains me to see Paula and her family struggle to make all the appointments, adjust schedules, juggle Dr.'s and then still feel the guilt that they aren't doing everything they need to for their daughter. Why, what are we learning from all of this. I can totally relate to what Paula is feeling. We juggle schedules and appointments and do everything to make sure that Riley has the right toys, and play time and there are days that it still doesn't' feel like enough. What does it all mean?? What is God trying to teach me and my family. Rex is an innocent six year old. What could he possibly have to be taught from having a brother with Down Syndrome. Was there no other way to learn these lessons?? These are just some of the questions I wonder about. I am not really sure if I need an answer but I pray often for peace and quiet in my heart. It seems as if I would be such a better mom if I could focus on today and the future and not be drug down with the why.

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