I had a beautiful morning with Rex this morning. We are all exhausted from the garage sale but today was Rex's first morning of Sunday school so we got up and rolling even when I'd sure rather be in bed. The plan was to take Rex to Sunday school and then go back home and pick up Riley and then when Rex was down with class we would go to church. Yes, just the three of us. Justin is not much of a church goer. Well when I checked in on Riley, Justin told me he was all stuffy and had more boogs every where when he got up so he should probably stay home. It is amazing how much more you get out of church when you aren't having a wrestling match with Hurricane Riley.
I guess I should back this story up a bit and explain that while I grew up in a Catholic house and went to church every Sunday I have I guess, always taken my faith for granted. I have never not believed in God but I have had my ups and downs. When I discovered prenatally that Riley would have Down syndrome I was very angry at God. At first it was anger at how he could do this to us, to me. What did I do that was so bad that I would have a child that would be different and at that time we didn't know what Riley's health would be like. Well Riley is almost two and I am no longer angry but I do have my moments of questioning why. It is no longer about me but why does God allow his children to suffer. Why does Riley have to work harder to do what other take for granted, why is my friend Paula's child deaf, why has little Elliot had to face three open heart surgeries before his third birthday. It is only very recently that I have made my way back to weekly mass.
Justin and I have made the decision for Rex to attend the Catholic elementary school that is block from our house for multiple reason but as the catholic in the family I have to live up to my decision to raise the kids in the church. So in an attempt to make my family part of this church community we have been going to mass, and now starting Sunday school. I want Rex to have a good foundation on which to build his faith and love of Jesus.
So back to my story about church this morning. Father shared a couple of very strong points during his homily. I'm sure I won't say it just right but what I took away from it was that while we all have the option to be a child of God it is up to us to make the decision if we are willing to not only say yes to our Father but also follow up our words with actions. There were lots of things this morning that really stood out to me but the light bulb moment for me was when he was discussing prayer. We must have an active prayer life and talk to God. You can't have a relationship with anyone that you don't talk to, and talk to them even when you aren't having an emergency. That really struck me as something that I do. I tend to be good a praying for people that are struggling, when someone is ill or has lost a loved one. I am not as good at praying and talking to God when life is good. I guess it has been a take take relationship on my part. So when I prayed for a healthy baby and then was told that my baby would have Down syndrome I was mad that I didn't get my way. What I have been slowly learning is that I may not have have the child that I thought I would but I have a lot more. I have a beautiful family, a husband that loves me, two amazing boys that make me laugh every single day, I have friends that hold me up when I stumble.
I think that as Rex and I sat in church this morning I realized that my boys have taught me more about my relationship with God than I knew they could. Tonight I pray that God will continue to bring me peace and quiet in my heart so that I can continue to see his work in my life. Please give me the ability to see what my boys are teaching me and share it with other in my life by the way I live my life.
For all who read this please keep me and my family in your prayers that we will continue to grow in our relationship with God. One of my biggest hopes is that others will be able to see my love of God through my actions and not my words.
I've never been one to talk much about my faith but something is pulling me to have a stronger relationship with God. When I started writing and blogging I have discovered that I can write about my thoughts a lot better than I talk about them. Maybe this will be one way I can grow in my faith.
My husband has been wondering what I am over hear typing away at. It amazes him that I have so much to say that I'll type and type. It is amazing how theraputic this has become. I hope I don't bore anyone that reads this to death.