I wonder.........

I wonder what life for Riley will be like in 20 years.  I wonder if he will ever find love and want to get married. If he does will it be to Ella?  I wonder if he will learn to drive a car.  I wonder if he will be the in the school play or the marching band?  I wonder if he will belong to a sports team?

When Riley was first born I couldn't think past the day,week,month.  I would be completely overcome with with sadness, anger, greif callit what you like but its always came with tears.  It didn't even like to think about him being school age.  As time as past and I have come to understand and know Riley it is getting easier and easier to think about the future.  What seemed so far away is coming so close.  We are getting ready to tranistion Riley from the Guild School's birth to three program into the public school system for preschool and therapies and we also need to figure what we will do to supplement with private therapy.  This was a milestone that I couldn't picture when Riley was first born, and now it is staring us square in the eyes.   Riley continues to amaze and teach us and with each day he reminds me that the possibilities are endless.  I have started to allow myself to think about what the future will be like, and most days I come up with beautiful thoughts of school friends and sports teams.  These daydreams seem to out number those where Riley is excluded or unable to acomplish things, but my mind does play terrible scenes of hurt and tears.  I don't like to think about the possibilities of Riley not being accepted by other kids or being told that he is different but I don't think its realistic to think it won't happen.  It happens to kids who don't have dissabilities so why wouldn't it happen to my kids as well.......my bigger fear is how I'll react.  How will I help Riley deal with hurt feelings.....will I give Rex a high-five after he gives a kid a black eye for making fun of his brother.  I have to be honest...  I might.