Mommy Guilt...

I'll apologize right off if this is a rambling post but I have had lots of thoughts floating through my brain and figured writing them all down would help sort them out and if I did it here hopefully some really great blogging friends will weigh in with inspiring and insightful thoughts and all will be well with the world again.

We have been thinking, planning and dreaming about Riley's future in school.  Just in case you haven't picked up on this I'm a planner. I like to have things laid out with a nice plan.  The funny part is that I generally change plans a million times and am OK with that but I do like to have a plan to get started.  So back to planning for Riley.  We have spent the spring planning for next school year and after a lot of talking with teachers and therapists have decided on what we think is best for Riley.  We have decided to keep him in his current preschool class that is a self contained class. All 15 kiddos have some disability of some sort.  At the school he has at the teacher splits the  morning and afternoon and the after class is generally the higher functioned kids. Riley is in the afternoon class so there are good verbal role models only one really wild behavior issue.    In this years class Riley is the only kid with Down syndrome and is by far the youngest.  He started on his 3rd birthday and most of the kids  in his class are 4/5 year olds getting ready for kindergarten.  About 6 will be staying in the class for next year but the rest are moving on to kindergarten.  So as you can imagine Riley has to really work to keep up with the big kids (seriously bigger - he short compared to three year olds so he is really little in this class)  Riley is making amazing progress.  This afternoon when I met with his teacher she had wonderful things to say about Riley.  He is identifying the letters of his name and today sat and spelled his name out loud.  Granted he was quiet and didn't think the teacher could hear him but she is so on to him.  He is starting to do patterns.  When the teacher starts a basic pattern he will complete it.  He has mastered sorting by colors and she is starting to work on sorting by shapes and having the colors not match and that bugs him but he is making good progress with it. 

While I do love bragging about Riley's accomplishments that's not really where I was headed with this post.  I have been feeling this crazy feeling that I guess would be labeled guilt about choosing a self contained class over the integrated class that we had the option to place Riley in.  It seems that every blog that I'm reading and every article you see is all about how our kids should be integrated. Not only should they be but if it isn't an option then parents should be ready to fight for it and ensure that our kids are allowed into typical classes.   Did I really just turn down an opportunity for my kiddo to be in a typical preschool and by doing that did I let down all the other parents of kids with disabilities that have fought for me to be able to even have the choice?  Yikes that's a lot to think about. 

I had a meeting with Riley's teacher, PT and OT this afternoon.  I didn't have to include the speech therapist because we have an amazing speech therapist and are lucky enough that she not only works part time in the school district but we knew her in her real life and were able to get into her private practise.  Riley loves his Marie time!!!  Anyway, it was a great meeting and I was given a ton of positive feedback about Riley and some great ideas to work on this summer.  Riley has been thriving in the routine and structure of her class.  That is  the biggest reasons that we have decided to keep Riley in this class.  He is teacher has very high expectations for him and all of her kids.  She is such a mom to them and really is protective and demanding of her kiddos. So if Riley is thriving in his current environment why would we consider moving him?  Riley thrives with structure and consistent high expectations.  Would having typical role models really be worth it?  The biggest question that comes to me after I have typed all of this out is why in the  world am I doubting my judgement as Riley's mom and the decision that Justin and I have made for him.  Is it bad that Riley is thriving with other kids that need a little extra help too?

I wish there was a magical equation that would let us all know exactly the perfect setting for our kids and also magically fund it.  I hear about all of these children that are in typical classes with one on one aides to help them stay on track and wonder how that is possible with all of the budget cuts.  How do you make it work and get your school district to provide something special for your child in a time of great budget cuts. 

OK I'll stop rambling now and your reward for getting to the end of this is pictures of Riley and Ella on Mother's Day.  Kacey and her family join my mom and family to partake in a yummy Asian themed meal.  Turned out pretty stinkin good if I do say so myself.  The kids were "racing" down the hallway with Ella's Nana.  What a crack up these two love birds are.