Well friends I'm on my way to self discovery lately. Its been a bumpy bumpy ride as of late and I am feeling tugged in all directions. I hate this feeling that I know something is wrong and needs to change with my life but I'm just not sure what changes to make. I've been trying to pray more and really put my trust in God that he has a plan that he is trying to show me. I've love to a have a GPS for that route or that great green arrow from the insurance commerical.
Well in all of this I've done some hard and deep thinking.....yes that is smoke you smell. Its hard work trying to figure out your lifes plan. I have come to some conclusions that bring me a bit closer to figuring out what my direction/plan is. I joke a lot about not liking people and not playing well with others. Well, that just simply isn't true. I've allowed myself to become grumpy and bitter and I'm done! I've made career choices because of ackward unproductive staffing structures and I am no longer going to make choices based these structures. I have the ability to make changes and I am going to make them.
I have also been doing a lot of thinking about being a working mom. Its hard! I had lunch with a friend a few weeks back and we were laughing at how ackward and horrible it feels when we meet moms at school that know our kids because they have the ability to volunteer in the classroom. When you meet another mom and she knows tons about your kids and you don't even know who she is its a bit discouraging. Though I've come to the conclusion that I should just be happy that other moms have and make the time to volunteer so my son gets more one on one attention in school. So after I gathered the motherly guilt up off the floor and put it back where it belongs I feel pretty darn good about going to work each morning. Not only do we need the financial benefits of me working I need the challenge and the outlet. I some how fall into this funk a few times a year and let the guilt of not staying home with my kids to pile up but when you break it down to the real details I'm a better mom when I playing the juggling game. I may be exhuasted but thats how we roll at my house!