Saturday, January 23, 2010

On the way.....

Well friends I'm on my way to self discovery lately.  Its been a bumpy bumpy ride as of late and I am feeling tugged in all directions.  I hate this feeling that I know something is wrong and needs to change with my life but I'm just not sure what changes to make.   I've been trying to pray more and really put my trust in God that he has a plan that he is trying to show me.  I've love to a have a GPS for that route or that great green arrow from the insurance commerical. 

Well in all of this I've done some hard and deep thinking.....yes that is smoke you smell.  Its hard work trying to figure out your lifes plan.  I have come to some conclusions that bring me a bit closer to figuring out what my direction/plan is.  I joke a lot about not liking people and not playing well with others.  Well, that just simply isn't true.  I've allowed myself to become grumpy and bitter and I'm done!   I've made career choices because of ackward unproductive staffing structures and I am no longer going to make choices based these structures.  I have the ability to make changes and I am going to make them. 

I have also been doing a lot of thinking about being a working mom.  Its hard!  I had lunch with a friend a few weeks back and we were laughing at how ackward and horrible it feels when we meet moms at school that know our kids because they have the ability to volunteer in the classroom.  When you meet another mom and she knows tons about your kids and you don't even know who she is its a bit discouraging. Though I've come to the conclusion that I should just be happy that other moms have and make the time to volunteer so my son gets more one on one attention in school.  So after I gathered the  motherly guilt up off the floor and put it back where it belongs I feel pretty darn good about going to work each morning.  Not only do we need the financial benefits of me working I need the challenge and the outlet.  I some how fall into this funk a few times a year and let the guilt of not staying home with my kids to pile up but when you break it down to the real details I'm a better mom when I playing the juggling game.  I may be exhuasted but thats how we roll at my house!


  1. Mary, I know exactly how you feel. Some days I feel so, so guilty about working. I feel even more guilty about going and doing things for myself, like working out after work and not picking up the boy from daycare until 5:30pm and not getting home until 6pm. I feel like sometimes I don't get to spend hardly any time with Danny. I was talking to his daycare teachers last week and they said he always will cuddle with them; he never does this with me. It was heartbreaking, but I know that, like you, I have to work. It is a juggling game and it is a constant struggle being a working mom. I'm sorry things at work have been so crazy. I hope that they figure themselves out or that you can make the changes that you want. Change is hard. Good Luck!

  2. Be good to yourself as you progress through this process. I am a mostly SAHM and I am wracked with guilt, as well. I think that it is an unfortunate side effect to being a mom. I have been praying and working towards finding my GPS, as well. Just know that you are not alone. Many of us walk alongside you.
    Take care, my friend.

  3. I sure wish I had a GPS for the route God has planned for me too. I am trying to figure out what to do with myself next year when Caleb is at school full days and Joel is in preschool. I am thinking of working part time - I need the challenge and I need a change of pace!

  4. Mary...the guilt thing is just too much to bear sometimes. I know it. I'm a WAHM so I get to volunteer and work, but trust me, I am not judging any of the moms who can't be there b/c they work. You have to do what you have to do and make the best of it. I hope you find that GPS and please share if you do! :)

  5. I want a GPS too. I think you are doing the best you can. I am an at home mom and sometimes I miss work. We all do the best we can and like you said you can get some benefits from work such as money, an outlet ect. You are doing a great job.


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